Friday, February 04, 2005
After all the unhappy entries that you have read in my blog, i'm sure all of you are wondering what's gone wrong with jon..the answer is simple - jon's always wrong =) hahahah, but ok jokes aside, i was going through a rough patch, i'm much better now and thanks for all your concern (both to those who showed it and to those who just worried in silence) and for your prayers.
I was just reminded about seeking approval from the right place again, and i remember last sunday (or was it the one before? dunno...school wreaks havoc with my chronometers) while we were worshipping in church...simple songs, simple music, not overly fantastic musicians or PA crew...but in the midst of it all i cried.
Yeah i cried - to those people who believe that guys shouldn't cry, i don't care coz it's not weak to show emotions. =) and for the greater portion of the second half of the worship, i kept crying amidst the lyrics of the songs..i think people sitting near me must have been quite freaked out.
Why the tears? Coz i felt something. I felt Someone, Someone from high above in his kingly throne and all His glory and majesty and splendour and things that the English language doesn't even have words for, THE One, smile at me.
I felt His smile.
There is no better feeling than that to me. Having a wonderful girlfriend who cares for me as well as my spiritual and mental growth, having a family who has bred me to be what i am (then again, that's not something very good is it? hahaha), dreaming of spending my life with that someone special...all these things don't count. Not one. Zilch. Nada. Zero. They are NOTHING compared to the feeling of His smile on me.
In my situation now, all the extra hours put in to catch up with my work, all the extra things i do for ministries i'm in, all the time i spend with people who matter with me...it's a sacrifice. Sometimes tiring, sometimes gladly done. At the end of the day, i may be battered, beaten, scarred, torn, broken. But i still go back to it.
Why? Because it'll leave me with fears and doubts?
Because it'll hurt me and bring pain back into my life?
Because it'll marr my soul for all eternity?
Yes. But also because amidst all those things - He will smile at me.
That alone is worth it.
thank you, for showing this to me again through your life.
simply jon.pondered @ 7:16 pm
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