Destiny's Claim

Monday, February 28, 2005

You know how we all sort of "know" the answers to everything? You know what i mean - when someone is in trouble and having a hard time, you say "All things work for the good of those who love Him", and when someone is weary we go "For those who wait upon the Lord shall soar on wings like eagles", and when we have problems with trusting God, we tell people "God's plan is the best, leave it in His hands"...

I got a news flash for you - all those don't work. Really. Take it from someone who's been down and is (sort of) on his way back up again. The LAST THING i wanted to hear when i was down was that "all things work for the good etc". It doesn't help the situation, and it's sure doesn't stop the pain. All these textbooks answers are only good in the textbook.

You know what really helped? when people came up and "sat" beside me, to listen to me. when people showed they cared. when people gave me practical (and Christian) advice, without all those verses that seriously didn't have any impact. (not that the Bible isn't a comfort - it's just annoying when people tell you things but they don't have a basis and they're just spouting it off the tops of their minds) The most help i received was from someone who had been through exactly the same thing that i was, and someone else who is going through the same thing too!

But it spoke to me especially - we know all the textbook answers, we know all the right things. But do our lives reflect them? Do we live them out? It's so easy (especially with the education system here in Singapore) to simply vomit everything in our heads back out. People who like concepts instead of memory work, like me, have a hard time doing that in real life.

Stop spewing out answers. Stop quoting without meaning. Don't reach heaven and let Jesus say He doesn't know you.

One Life. Live it.

simply jon.pondered @ 8:19 am

Sunday, February 27, 2005

To those who knew the struggles i was facing and still am - a big thank you. All of you have been a great help to me, and truly Godsent.

Another set of struggles face me and i'm reminded once again (by Marcus' blog) that sometimes the hardest thing to let go is the very thing that we need to let go. It's so hard sometimes to trust that God will provide whatever we need, and yet we know that we have to. (thanks marcus..if you're reading this at all)

simply jon.pondered @ 9:53 am

Friday, February 25, 2005

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

What the hell...dammit. There goes my last shred of masculinity...sheesh.

simply jon.pondered @ 8:08 am

Thursday, February 24, 2005

This song keeps staying in my head and playing itself over and over..

A ray of hope flickers in the sky
A tiny star lights up way up high
All across the land, dawns a bright new morn
This comes to pass, when a child is born.

And it's been playing so much that i've been singing Amazing Grace to the tune, with a little variation in the words.

Amazing Grace, oh how sweet that sound
Which saved a low, cursed wretch as me
I once was lost, now i know i'm found
Though i was blind, henceforth i will see

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do - i struggle with that a lot...but in the end i have to be reminded that God's will must be sovereign. To everyone who struggling out there, hold on. God is there. He's hurting as He sees you hurt too. But He wants you to grow, so He has to let you go through trials.

I'll be here for you.

simply jon.pondered @ 7:58 am

This was quite fun =)
(for those of you who can't see, the title is "Nerds Rulez!"..then again if you can't see then you shouldn't be reading this at all)

I am nerdier than 91% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

simply jon.pondered @ 7:56 am

Monday, February 21, 2005

In the old days, when trains were the main mode of transport, there was always a switchman stationed at each track switch, ready to change the switch on the tracks should anything go wrong.

At this particular switch, one of the tracks was broken and the maintainance team was scheduled to come in the morning to fix it, at least temporarily. A man in his late forties was guarding this switch, thinking of his wife and his 6 year old child back home, waiting for his shift to end in a few hours so that he could go home to them. They were going to celebrate his child's birthday, and he anticipated the joy they would have...

The blast of an oncoming train woke him from his dreams. The train was headed for the broken track. He ran out to the track with his lantern, and tried to signal the driver to stop, but it didn't work. Perhaps the lantern wasn't bright enough. Perhaps the driver didn't see. Perhaps he simply ignored the warning.

The switchman ran back to his station, prepared to switch the tracks so that the train would safely go on, despite being on the wrong path for it's journey. At this moment, who should appear but his 6 year old son, running toward him with a small cake in his hands. "Son, stop! STOP!!!" But the child didn't hear. Kept running towards him. Running on the track.

The switchman faced a dilemma. Pull the switch, his son dies. Leave the switch, the train derails. The son's smile. The train's horn. No time to run out and save him.

Pull.

Tears.

For the sake of the people on the train, the switchman gave his son's life, so that many may live. Nobody on the train knew of that sacrifice that he had to make. Nobody knew the pain it brought him to ensure that they could carry on their lives and reach where they were supposed to reach. Most people didn't care, wouldn't have even if they knew it happened.

The switchman was God. The son was Jesus.

Did you know that?

Do you know Him yet?

simply jon.pondered @ 7:53 am

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now i see

'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace my fears relieved
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour i first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snare
We have already come
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace shall bring me home

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Thank you san for reminding me that God is on our side - or rather, we are on God's side. His Grace is amazing indeed and i have yet to rely completely on it, though i can already see the marvellous extent.

To those of you who can, keep praying for me. The trials are not over, the toils are not done. While you're at it, pray for yourself as well - you too will face tests and obstacles that will help you to grow as God sees fit. And remember, in all things God is in control, no matter how hard it seems to believe that when you're suffering (believe me, i know), we have to trust Him with everything.

I'm reminded once again that God does not want commitment only - He wants surrender. A complete renouncing of all that we deem to be ours, to recognise our helplessness and His sovereignty. A denial of all our self-professed abilities in a humble attitude, to allow Him to bring us to greater heights of His glory. And surrender in and of itself is a commitment - take up your cross daily and follow Him.

To those of you who have yet to know God's love personally, yet to know Jesus, you probably won't understand all these that i have to say. But one day i pray that you come to realise that there are higher forces above us. There is a God. And He loves you.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" - John 3:16

simply jon.pondered @ 7:42 am

Friday, February 18, 2005

5000 men, not counting women and children. All hungry and too far from civilisation to get anything to eat.

One boy. Five loaves, two fish. This food fed the crowd and had leftovers.

First of all, how is that possible? God takes what we have, the little that we have and mulitplies it for His work. But we have to give it up to Him first - remember, Jesus couldn't have fed the five thousand should the boy have refused to let Him take the fish and loaves from his hands.

You'll realise that economics doesn't really tally here. You try feeding your family of say, four people, with 5 loaves and two fish and i see who's hungry. Maybe you'd be full. How about a reunion dinner with all your extended family? Five loaves, two fish? People'd tell you you're crazy. Yet this food fed more than 5000. The input was only so little, the output so much. Even the laws of conservation of energy doesn't fit in - so great is our God.

What we have may seem little, but a little goes a long way - in God's hands. Let Him take what you have and use it to His will.

What piques me is - what was a small boy doing with so much food? =)

simply jon.pondered @ 9:26 am

Thursday, February 17, 2005

A cry i lifted up to Him
When light was far and sight was dim
And screams reverberated in mournful echo
As darkness closed in with choking sorrow
All the noises in my head, they would not cease...
They will never cease.

And came the morning whisper sigh
As winds swept up to soar on high
And rushed through all the leaves once fallen
As light gently opened eyes now swollen
Then i heard a silent whisper, He would not leave...
He will never leave.

thanks gabe

simply jon.pondered @ 4:32 pm

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Do i matter? many do to me..

Will anyone remember me? i remember those who matter..

Does anyone think of me? my thoughts never fade..

Will i be heard? i listen to those i care for..

Am i somebody? others are special in my sight..

Do i exist in peoples' lives? people matter in my life..

Am i anybody? everyone holds a special place to me..

Am i worth anything? i'll give what i can..

Will i be mourned? ......

Will anyone cry for me? i cry a lot..

Is there anyone?

simply jon.pondered @ 12:48 pm

Have you ever had a day where you felt so down? One where you just couldn't smile? One where you needed companionship but you were just left alone? One where you just feel like...crap.

Sometimes you just wanna cry, but there's nothing you can think of that will bring the tears...not that your thoughts are happy, it's just not enough to let all the emotions out.

A hand to hold, a look, a touch...would suffice. But people around you leave you alone. I'm not talking ignoring, they just don't bother. There's a difference between loneliness and being alone; having one does not equate the other.

Work doesn't help much...there's lots to do, and i know i have to do it, but i don't feel like doing anything. Where was the drive i had before? Where was the motivation? Depression turns to angst and later to bitterness and hatred. I must be strong.

What can i do? Nothing. And that pains me in a way. Perhaps i'm still too emotional. Perhaps, perhaps...everything has its perhaps. Uncertainty breeds fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate, and hate to suffering.

When you feel like shit, what do you do? Who do you turn to? Is there anyone to turn to at all?Amidst the promises of "just call, i'll be there" and all, reality sinks in and people have to live their lives. Friends...are there loyal ones? Those that will stick to you in your tough times despite their own time constraints? Those who will value people over material? I used to think so...now i'm not too sure.

Maybe it's just a mood. Maybe it's just because of a mood. Maybe it's reality.

God, i need your strength...show me your strength...

simply jon.pondered @ 9:39 am

Monday, February 14, 2005

You all have a power. A common power. Whether you realise it or not. You all have the ability, some more misused than others.

Simply by being who you are to the people around you, you exercise this power. The effects change with your moods, and your emotions.

You don't even need to think about it to use this power. That's the unfortunate side - perhaps you should be thinking more about it before you actually use it.

Effects can be disastrous, massive effects, or can also be silent stewing viruses. They can kill, or they can fester. They can remain dormant for a long period of time before anything is even suspected, or they can be immediate.

It's shown in your actions, the words you say and the words you don't, the gestures that you make, the implications behind how you behave. This power is utilized through every form of human contact, be it body language or direct vocal communication, SMS or email.

Whether you like it or not...you have the power to make, or break, someone's day. Ronan Keating's "When you say nothing at all" works both ways...it's always said best when you say nothing at all.

simply jon.pondered @ 7:53 pm

Monday, February 07, 2005

it used to be darkness
without You
i lived my life in blindness
but now i'm found

i'll sing, sing i love You so
and i'll sing
because the world can't take away
Your Love

found me in weakness
broken
You came to me in kindness
and now i Live

i'll give my life for You, Lord
For All You've Done.

jesus, help me to use my life, my voice, my being, my very soul....just for you and for you alone

simply jon.pondered @ 1:38 pm

Surely there must be something more
Than cheap slippers priced at four
Surely there must be something greater
Surely there must be a forever

We don't look up at the stars above anymore
Nor the clouds passing by
We just hide when the skies begin to pour
We've forgotten the brilliant blue sky

Touch a star, fade the night away
The heavens above in their grand display
How could we have forgotten this grand array
Content to see our lives fade slowly into gray

Spinning around, we spin from night to day
We put on our masks and pretend we're ok
I know there's more but we're too easily content
With getting more things that simply leave us spent

Dear God above, the wonder that is your love
Is greater far than any treasure trove
Help me to see this precious eternity
Before my life fades into forgotten history

Breathe a sigh, shed the years away
Shed a tear, bid the sorrow stay
If we could grieve and cease with all our play
Perhaps we'll realise things are really not ok

Your love is light it has always been
Shine through the night till all our lives are seen
Help us to gaze up once again at your light
Help us to stop our spinning
Grant us sight

I will not offer anything to Him, that cost me nothing.

simply jon.pondered @ 10:41 am

Friday, February 04, 2005

After all the unhappy entries that you have read in my blog, i'm sure all of you are wondering what's gone wrong with jon..the answer is simple - jon's always wrong =) hahahah, but ok jokes aside, i was going through a rough patch, i'm much better now and thanks for all your concern (both to those who showed it and to those who just worried in silence) and for your prayers.

I was just reminded about seeking approval from the right place again, and i remember last sunday (or was it the one before? dunno...school wreaks havoc with my chronometers) while we were worshipping in church...simple songs, simple music, not overly fantastic musicians or PA crew...but in the midst of it all i cried.

Yeah i cried - to those people who believe that guys shouldn't cry, i don't care coz it's not weak to show emotions. =) and for the greater portion of the second half of the worship, i kept crying amidst the lyrics of the songs..i think people sitting near me must have been quite freaked out.

Why the tears? Coz i felt something. I felt Someone, Someone from high above in his kingly throne and all His glory and majesty and splendour and things that the English language doesn't even have words for, THE One, smile at me.

I felt His smile.

There is no better feeling than that to me. Having a wonderful girlfriend who cares for me as well as my spiritual and mental growth, having a family who has bred me to be what i am (then again, that's not something very good is it? hahaha), dreaming of spending my life with that someone special...all these things don't count. Not one. Zilch. Nada. Zero. They are NOTHING compared to the feeling of His smile on me.

In my situation now, all the extra hours put in to catch up with my work, all the extra things i do for ministries i'm in, all the time i spend with people who matter with me...it's a sacrifice. Sometimes tiring, sometimes gladly done. At the end of the day, i may be battered, beaten, scarred, torn, broken. But i still go back to it.

Why? Because it'll leave me with fears and doubts?
Because it'll hurt me and bring pain back into my life?
Because it'll marr my soul for all eternity?

Yes. But also because amidst all those things - He will smile at me.

That alone is worth it.

thank you, for showing this to me again through your life.

simply jon.pondered @ 7:16 pm

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Recently i've been having so many feelings running through me that i don't know where to turn, whether to embrace them or hide from them once again.

I had a similar experience back in JC, and if i remember correctly, that was disastrous. I turned into this cold schmuck for about a month, not caring if the world were to fall at my feet and die in front of me, hid all my feelings behind a mask of smiles and cheerful words. I can't let that happen again.

But neither can i simply pour out everything. So many things, so many sacrifices, so many...emotions. Richard Clayderman on the piano says it's "nothing more than feelings" but that's enough to make or break a man.

Hmm...my blog's getting depressing-er and depressing-er. Shall have to learn to cheer up.

missing you..

simply jon.pondered @ 9:04 am