Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Have you ever had a day where you felt so down? One where you just couldn't smile? One where you needed companionship but you were just left alone? One where you just feel like...crap.
Sometimes you just wanna cry, but there's nothing you can think of that will bring the tears...not that your thoughts are happy, it's just not enough to let all the emotions out.
A hand to hold, a look, a touch...would suffice. But people around you leave you alone. I'm not talking
ignoring, they just don't bother. There's a difference between loneliness and being alone; having one does not equate the other.
Work doesn't help much...there's lots to do, and i know i have to do it, but i don't feel like doing anything. Where was the drive i had before? Where was the motivation? Depression turns to angst and later to bitterness and hatred. I must be strong.
What can i do? Nothing. And that pains me in a way. Perhaps i'm still too emotional. Perhaps, perhaps...everything has its perhaps. Uncertainty breeds fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate, and hate to suffering.
When you feel like
shit, what do you do? Who do you turn to? Is there anyone to turn to at all?Amidst the promises of "just call, i'll be there" and all, reality sinks in and people have to live their lives. Friends...are there loyal ones? Those that will stick to you in your tough times despite their own time constraints? Those who will value people over material? I used to think so...now i'm not too sure.
Maybe it's just a mood. Maybe it's just because of a mood. Maybe it's reality.
God, i need your strength...show me your strength...
simply jon.pondered @ 9:39 am
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