Thursday, March 24, 2005
For those of you who have kept up with me during these few months, you'll know that the VCF musical is over. I won't say "finally over" coz i really wasn't looking forward to it ending - such were the good times i had in there. This entry isn't really about the musical per se, but what it has caused me to reflect on.
In the process of the musical, and the time in which it spanned in my life, many things have been taught.
Like Mia, i fall into the trap of looking for satisfaction with my grades.
Like Ethan, i fall into the trap of trying to do things on my own.
Like Miles, i continually search for love without finding it's Creator.
Like Sian Liang, i become prey to slack-ness and avoid doing work as much as possible.
Like Leah...um....um...ok i can't think of anything in similar at this point of time - she's a bit too far off from my own personal character, except for the emotional bit. =)
But as all this draws to a close, there comes a sense of emptiness...as Paul Seah shared, possibly from the extensive energy and emotions put in to the musical, and the sudden freeing of time. At the same time, i feel that that's not all there is to it. Have i left God out of the equation of all these? I feel no pride when people come up to me and tell me i sang/danced well - what i want to know is did it touch them? Do they hear our message? Is God pleased with my sacrifice?
So many questions linger in my head. So many still left unanswered. For the past two weeks leading up i've cried out to God for the answers at night. I want to know. I need to know. And all He asks is that i trust Him. Vincent shared that if we know everything, there's no need for faith. Yet i'm sure those of you in the Walk with me know that it's not easy - "not easy" is an understatement, "extremely difficult" would be more accurate though not quite there as well. Some have called it "blind faith", others "confidence"...whatever you call it, it's still trusting God.
When Jude died in the musical, it brought the other characters to think about the meaning of life. Mia woke up from her paper dreams. Miles realised that he's lacking something. Ethan gained the courage to fall. Yet in Jude's death another character was brought into the scene - The Unseen One. Without Jude's death the others will not have seen things that they did.
Like Jude, i must learn to die to let God take His place in my life - there cannot be both myself and God in control.
simply jon.pondered @ 8:05 am
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