Saturday, August 06, 2005
...Till school starts. Can't say i'm too happy about it. Not exactly elated, but would prefer it pushed back a week or two more before it starts (and not any more than that - i do want it to start sometime, else i'll never get working).
With the thought of school starting, my mind is starting to kick in again and beginning to think as much as it used to. Perhaps
that's why i've had a headache the past few days. But aside from that, more important thoughts have popped into my mind.
Thoughts on importance. I've said some of this before, but the entire reason why i'm blogging this is so that i can say it again. I remember some coach telling me before that you can have all the skill in the world, all the brains and all the brawn, but what really matters is when you can deliver it when it counts. Inadvertedly this would remind you (or at least it reminds me) of exams, but i was also thinking a bit beyond that.
When it counts...when is that, academics aside? What is it that counts? Grades matter to me, i won't deny, but only in the sense when i know i could have done better than i did due to my not putting in my best. People matter to me, everyone from Jo to my close friends and to my not-so-close friends. Achievements matter to me, and i'd definitely like to rake up a few points on my resume as a student here. But what's key? I know the textbook answer - can i claim it as my own?
Thoughts on questions. Those who know me will know that i tend to question everything that is presented before me. Works pretty well with academics, but unfortunately doesn't work so well with faith and people. There's a scene in
Unleashed where Morgan Freeman says something along the lines about not asking certain questions because when the time is right, the answers will present itself. To my delight he also mentioned later in the show that at time certain questions need to be asked as well - which honestly is more of what i tend to do. I must say that i've learnt a bit more than i used to know about asking things at the right time, yet i know i have much much more to learn. Asking questions sometimes takes you to another level where you desire and possibly even demand to know the answer. There's a chinese saying that goes 信者不知，知者不信, or for those of us who need english translation, "one who knows need not faith, one who has faith need not know"...or something like that. Suffice to say, often things simply require you not to ask so many questions and have so many concrete solutions, but simply to have faith and move on one step at a time. Yet there are still things where questions must be asked in order to draw anything from it...i tend to think life would be so much easier with perfect information so that we can draw conclusion with minimal margin of error, even possibly none at all. Perhaps that's a wrong stand to take - life might actually be easier, not on the extreme of not knowing anything, but rather knowing what we must and then trusting God with what we don't.
Thoughts on time. One of the commodities that we can't buy. I'm going to have to manage my time carefully...i realise that being a good steward of time isn't easy, as all of us would have discovered at one point of time in our lives. This links to my above talk on importance and priorities, definitely things of greater importance would have more time spent on it/higher priority over our time. It wouldn't begin to do Him justice if we decided to put God on the bottom of that list - yet we do that all the time, giving other things the greater say in our decision...or at least i do. With all the commitments we face, some of us schoolwork, others their careers, it's just so easy to shift aside God "just for a while" and put these things first.
Among these thoughts, i've had my peaceful moments - times where i can sit and watch the sunset/sunrise, and remember that God make everything, and it was good. At times it can be so hard to believe that it is and was good, that God has control over everything and He plans out our lives so that we may achieve our purpose that He has for us. Sometimes I struggle with that. I dare say we all do - we want our plans, not His. But that's 'cause we're only 3-D and He's 4-D...He sees into time. Surrender is a journey, not an event. Life, likewise, is also a journey.
P.S. I've taken an extremely long time writing this post - not because it's one of my longer ones, but because i 've actually had to think about a lot of things as i was writing. It's taken a whole hour, but here it is. It's not really organised, but that's because it wasn't meant to be - this post was just my thoughts at the moment. At this time i must declare that i'm unusually tired and i'm going to sleep soon, even though it's only 10 pm at the time i'm typing this sentence. More thoughts will be on the way as they get figured out.
simply jon.pondered @ 8:43 pm
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